Everyone doesn’t want to stay in a place where they don’t feel happy anymore. They want to move on as much as possible. And that’s what I feel right now. But it’s easy being said than done.
There are so many things to do, things to consider, and things to be ready with before you can leave. And there are so many thoughts in my head debating what I should do. Should I stay and continue doing my job or should I leave and found a new life outside my current life? It’s so confusing. I don’t know how to step forward. But these thoughts make me think a lot:
- Have I done something worthwhile for over a year and 6 months?
- Did my superiors think of me as someone they can trust or someone they can rely on to?
- Did my colleagues think of me as someone important?
- Can my friends at the office remember the good stuff I did and not my mistakes?
- Did I make a lot of mistakes during my stay in the company?
I feel really tired of everything but I don’t want to leave with a lot of things to regret. I want to move ahead without thinking back. But it’s so hard not to think. That’s my disease: I over think a lot.
I have a lot of reason why I want to leave but this is by far the best reason I have: I want to leave to find an opportunity to be better. I want an opportunity to give my family a better life. I think that’s because I’m the eldest. I always want my siblings and my parents to have a little bit of the world’s luxury.
People say you don’t need money to make you happy. I want to believe that, too. But every time I face different unavoidable circumstances, where money is concern, I’m always on the verge of leaving, of giving up. I want to stop that. I want to stay and not think of money as much as possible, but I want to make my mom’s life a little bit easier.
I want my colleagues to understand this. But If I tell this to my superiors as the reason why I want to leave, I don’t think they will understand (but I hope so). I’m scared that they might misunderstand, that they might think I’m being too materialistic and demanding or someone who don’t know how to be thankful.
I also dread the fact that if leave, I might be lost. Will there be a place for me? Will I find that opportunity? Will I love or even like my new world if ever I find it? I want to be happy. I want my family to be happy. But based on some of the articles that I’ve read, it’s not so easy to be accomplished. You don’t always get the things you want. I’m not an optimistic person so you can always get that from me: being doubtful of everything. But I’m being hopeful as much as I can.
With all these thoughts in my head, it’s really hard to decide to leave. I hope I can set my mind in to it as soon as possible. And I hope I can find the proper words, things that I need to tell my superiors so that they can’t remember me as someone they regretted to teach, to accept, and to trust. I hope my colleagues won’t see me as someone who let them down. I hope they remember the joy I had with them and not the bad things.
P.S: As of editing, I finally had the guts to submit my resignation. Now it’s a new beginning. Pray for me. HAHA